Another Emergency. Wake Me When It’s Over.

September 3rd, 2010

In a breathless article, Politico reports that

SS Obama

The Obama administration is mulling a raft of emergency fixes to stimulate the economy before the midterms, including an extension of the research and development tax credit and new infrastructure spending, according to several people familiar with the situation.

Oh my. It’s an emergency.

Administration officials have been huddling almost continuously during the past week, brainstorming for ideas that would boost employment without hiking the massive federal deficit – with Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner rushing to the West Wing for further consultations late Thursday.

I suppose when the Secretary of the Treasury “rushes” to the White House for “further consultations”, that the “people familiar with the situation” – i.e., the Voters – are getting pretty riled up.

The meetings, which had Obama huddling with his economic advisers twice in the last seven days, have yielded no specific proposals.

I have an idea! Keep doing the same stuff and give it a different name!

“The options under consideration build on measures the President has previously proposed, and we are not considering a second stimulus package,” [Jen Psaki, Deputy WH Press Secretary,]  wrote.

The word “stimulus” has a bad feng shui thing going on. Just ask the House Democrats in contested districts.

If the Democrats could just find a better name… “Yet Another Spending Bill” just doesn’t have the right ring to it. And “Throwing Money Out Of A Helicopter Bill” gives helicopters a bad name.

How about the “Running Christina Romer Out Of Town On A Rail Memorial Bill”?

It’s got moxie!

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Why Did The Wildebeest Cross The Road?

September 2nd, 2010

Because it was gnu.

New Scientist’s journalistic hands have been insufficiently wrung. So they magicked up a future catastrophe that’s just around the corner…

LOOK out wildebeest, here come the cars. Tanzania’s government plans to build a commercial road in the north of Serengeti National Park, cutting through the migratory route of 2 million wildebeest and zebra.

The road would cut the animals off from their dry-season watering holes, causing the wildebeest population to dwindle to just a quarter of current levels, says the Frankfurt Zoological Society in Germany.

An adult wildebeest, or gnu, weighs about 450 lbs (200 kg). Even Al Gore doesn’t weigh that much, and do you think a herd of 10,000 Al Gores would be daunted by a mere road?? The cars are not going to be a roadblock for the wildebeest, the wildebeest are going to be a roadblock for the cars.

The nice folks from the Frankfurt Zoological Society ought to get out of the zoo more often. Even a herd of sheep can shut down a major highway in the west while the fuming motorists shake their fists at the bleating, meandering muttonheads.

No, I think if they can cross the Mara River (video for your lyin’ eyes), Tanzania’s gnu road is going to be beneath the notice of the migrating beests.

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Coming Attractions: A Documentary About Margaret Sanger and Planned Parenthood

September 2nd, 2010

The 20th century reproductive rights movement, really embodied in the life and leadership of Margaret Sanger, was one of the most transformational in the entire history of the human race.
—–- Hillary Clinton (2009, Margaret Sanger Award xxxxxxrecipient)

Very true, Hillary. It has transformed millions of babies to medical waste and inspired the genocidal ambitions of the race theorists.

Here’s the trailer from a new documentary film from Maafa 21

Truth WARNING: Contains actual quotes

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Beslan: We Remember in America

September 2nd, 2010

Horror, blood, and crushing grief, brought to you by the Religion of Peace™.

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Another Left-Wing Eek!omilitiaman Bites The Dust

September 2nd, 2010

James Lee is dead, having achieved his goal of climate mitigation by decreasing the human population (if only by one). Here’s what he said in his (inevitable) manifesto:

#8: Saving the Planet means saving what’s left of the non-human Wildlife by decreasing the Human population. That means stopping the human race from breeding any more disgusting human babies!

Mr Lee was gunned down by the police before he could assume the mantle of Programming Director for the Discovery Channel, a position he had long sought and now threatened to kill hostages to obtain.

The Democrat Climate Caucus in Congress was quick to note that George W Bush was to blame for Mr Lee’s untimely, but nevertheless eek!ologically beneficial, demise. Soaring unemployment, a moribund economy, and the market failure of the Chevy Volt are the ditch the Bush regime drove us into, all carefully timed to coincide with the inauguration of President Beaux Zeaux.

Anonymous sources claim off the record that Mr Lee’s remains will be buried under a tree to be planted in memoriam on Al Gore’s new multi-million dollar Montecito CA estate. Dust to dust, compost to compost. Mourners and self-flagellants are encouraged to do so locally while thinking globally, and to send a few bucks to The Al Gore Fund for the Preservation of the Al Gore Fund.

Meanwhile, the Department of Homeland Security remains on highest alert to detect bitter, “lone-wolf” terrorists who “cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations” and who are also strong believers in the Constitution and the Second Amendment. Official concern about these antisocial non-metrosexuals is at a fever pitch following a mass KoffeKlatchKickoff goosestepping march on the memory of MLK in Washington DC, where they were repeatedly incited by code phrases like “Pray for our country” and “Restore honor”.

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Greedy, Bloodsucking Capitalists Starve The Poor

September 1st, 2010

In the spirit of endlessly clattering about the latest Big Ideas from the 2010 Progressive Screed-a-Thon, the local “alternative” newspaper puts food deserts on the cover.

Hannah Sayle, intrepid reporter, penned an article entitled “Unjust Deserts” about the food deserts in Memphis. Catchy title, eh? Let’s dive in…

Hannah is emoting about Zip Code 38126, an area of Memphis that snuggles up to the downtown.

In zip codes like 38126 — the poorest in the city with a median income of $12,000 — small corner stores and convenience stores abound, but a supermarket could be miles away. Stocked with little or no produce and priced out of range for many residents, convenience stores do not provide viable access to fresh foods. From a lack of full-scale grocery stores in their neighborhoods to inefficiencies in existing nutrition-assistance programs, Memphians in low-income areas are struggling with a food system that is failing them…

“We went into 38126 and did some food store evaluations,” says Brandi Franklin, project manager of CHEER [Consortium for Health Education, Economic Empowerment, and Research]. “What you’ll find in abundance on the shelves are snacks and soda. Sundry stores carry some limited supplies of household staples, typically dry goods, but you’d be hard-pressed to find canned fruits.”

And listen to what the greedy, bloodsucking capitalists have to say:

Meanwhile, at King of Discount grocery, [...] the store owner has a somewhat different take on the neighborhood. Preferring to identify himself only as Omar, the New York transplant bought the grocery and moved to Memphis in 2004. Four months and $4 million later, he says, “I realized it wasn’t a good move. I trusted people in the area to help me fix up the place. Those same people stole from me. Now I don’t give them a chance.” He keeps his eyes trained and a gun handy.

Let’s examine some of the reasons why there are no Kroger’s, Schnuck’s, Wal-Marts, or Aldis in 38126:

  • Population 7/2005-7/2006: ~8000
  • Aggravated assaults: 138
  • Simple assaults: 287
  • Business burglaries: 61
  • Residential burglaries: 204
  • Carjackings: 10
  • Narcotics crimes: 134
  • Murder: 5
  • Theft from vehicle: 100

That’s a total of 939 property and violent crimes in one year out of a total population of 8000 residents. You do the math.

If you can open a corner store that is small enough for you to sit on a stool in the corner, heavily armed, and constantly watch every aisle and cooler, you might be able to build a business if you charge outrageous prices.

Curtis Thomas of The Works, Inc., community development corporation in South Memphis also did an informal survey of corner stores in the [38126] area and found a gallon of milk could cost as much as six or seven dollars.

Greed! Greed! Sucking the very marrow of the poor! Except for this tiny, politically insignificant fact: most large grocery chains operate on a margin of 1-2%. If you steal a $5.00 item, the store needs to sell 50 more just to break even. In an environment with a high loss ratio, it’s amazing the convenience marts can get by selling milk at seven dollars. They must make it up on state lottery tickets.

And that’s not all. They’ve tried setting up farmer’s markets, but the corner boys hang around and menace the customers:

“People just hang out there,” says Donna Owens, housing program coordinator at The Works, Inc., and a resident of South Memphis. “I don’t feel safe.”

And farmer’s markets, since they are farmer’s markets, tend to operate on a cash basis. If you visit our town’s farmer’s market, the only stall that accepts credit cards is the organic meat vendor, and you have to place an order via their website to use your plastic. Most of the folks in 38126 aren’t buying food on a cash basis:

The new farmers market in South Memphis also struggles with red-tape barriers around the Federal Senior Farmers’ Market Nutrition Program (SFMNP). Over the past several weeks, anywhere from 50 to 100 senior citizens have walked or taken the bus to the new farmers market on South Parkway. With no other fresh food options in their neighborhoods and sometimes traveling miles in the blistering August heat, the seniors arrive only to be turned away because the SFMNP vouchers are not accepted by any of the market’s vendors.

But the needs are simple:

“We want a service-rich supermarket. We want one that studies the community and brings in the products that the people need at a price they can afford. We also take into consideration that many of our families work a lot of hours. You might have to have an extended-hours supermarket or co-op. We also have a significant number of families that are on public assistance and social security-funded income, so we’re going to have to have a supermarket that enthusiastically participates in all the state and federal food programs.”

Unfortunately, the cackalations have yet to include the necessary guard-to-customer ratio. I figure one ex-Special Forces guy with body armor and submachine gun per customer would be about right.

But we can always invoke the Passalaw Principle and feel smug about ourselves.

Now it’s up to you, Barack, Nancy, and Harry! A couple thousand pages of impenetrable legislative language ought to do the trick and put these bloodsucking capitalists back on their heels.

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The Apostate Gets Results In Iran

September 1st, 2010

Last Thursday, we offered up a post titled: “It Depends On What The Meaning Of ‘Nuclear Annihilation’ Is…”

The Iranian government, who routinely licks the boots of the One-Man Army of Secular Apostasy, felt the need to agree:

(Fars “News” Agency) TEHRAN – The Zionist regime is heading nowhere but towards annihilation, given its crimes and conspiracies against the oppressed Palestinian people, the Islamic Revolution Guards Corps (IRGC) announced in a statement on Tuesday.

The Annihilationist Religion of Peace™ and its peaceful corps of Revolutionary Guards are always prepared to offer a conciliatory hand of friendship and mutual understanding. Such overtures are particularly important at the beginning of the Revitalized Progressive Peace Charade, guided by the tender hands of President Beaux Zeaux and Secretary Clintoon, that is now underway in the salons of Smart Power™.

The statement issued by the Religion of Peace™, referring to the Peace Charade, went on to say:

“The current crucial and sensitive regional and international conditions indicate that the Great Satan (the US) and the occupying Zionist regime are increasingly fearful that the countdown to the annihilation and end of the ominous life of the blood-sucking and criminal regime is imminent.”

Well, that should get things off to a smashing good start!

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The Perfect Antiterror Strategy

September 1st, 2010

Benjamin Netanyahu, Priime Minister of Israel, has articulated what I consider to be the Perfect Antiterror Strategy:

(Sky News) Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has declared the “blood of Israeli civilians” will not go unpunished, and has vowed to hunt the killers of four Israelis near a Jewish West Bank settlement.

The attack, which has been claimed by the Palestinian militant group Hamas, came as Israel and the Palestinians prepared for direct talks in Washington, the first since December 2008…

“There are seven new orphans that were added to the circle of grief in Israel,” he said, before going into talks with US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

“We will not let the blood of Israeli civilians go unpunished. We will find the murderers, we will punish their dispatchers…”

However, the international community and the “Arab Street” were on his mind, given the sensitive nature of the Palestinian and American diplomatic corps about to engage the Israeli government in the latest round of rehashed, warmed-over, dead horse stalking Peace Talking:

[T]he Israeli prime minister ordered his security forces to hunt for the killers “without diplomatic restraint”.

Snag ‘em and bag ‘em, Bibi, and let the chips fall where they may. And if a large bomb should accidentally detonate [wink, wink] under Hamas headquarters in Gaza…? Well, mistakes happen, Sir. We understand.

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Danes Extend Israeli Fence To Copenhagen

August 31st, 2010

I suppose it’s unnecessary to dwell on the international outrage and “human rights” posturing that has been expressed about the Israeli security fence. For example, the fence, built to keep terrorists and suicide bombers out of Israel’s pizza parlors and busses, was denounced by Jimmah Carter as evidence of “apartheid”.

Well, now the Fence of Apartheid is being extended to Copenhagen:

[Copenhagen Post] A housing association with homes for the elderly in Copenhagen’s Nørrebro district is in the process of constructing a barbed wire fence to protect its clients against young people from the adjacent Mjølnerparken housing estate, reports Berlingske Tidende newspaper.

The Mjølnerparken youths have for some time been unwelcome visitors to the garden area that belongs to the Lejerbo Association and is exclusively for the residents in the Hothers Plads senior housing complex. In addition, the buildings have been plagued by burglary, vandalism, theft and rock throwing from the nearby housing estate occupants.

Construction of the fence, which will be 2.5 metres high with barbed wire on top, has so far been sabotaged by the youths, and the workers have expressed fears for their safety. But the housing association has confirmed the fence will go up. [emphasis added - ed.]

“Youths”, eh? I wonder who these “youths” are…

Well, perhaps Wikitravel can help:

Nørrebro is a district in Copenhagen, and the most multicultural part of the city, with a large concentration of middle eastern immigrants – The area around Nørrebrogade, the districts main artery is sometimes known as “little Arabia”

And the US State Department notes in its travel advisories:

Muggings, sexual assault, and racially motivated violence are all rare.   However, there has been a recent increase in violence between motorcycle and immigrant gangs, which is spreading in some neighborhoods in Copenhagen. Visitors should stay aware of their surroundings and immediately leave the area if they perceive any threat of potential danger.  Those staying in Copenhagen should be particularly vigilant in the Nørrebro and Vesterbro areas.

But, given the peaceful nature of Islam and the signal achievements of Islamic culture in literature, philosophy, and the sciences, the restive “youths” that are assaulting the elderly residents of the Hothers Plads senior housing complex are probably the brainwashed spawn of orthodox Catholic or Hasidic bigots.

Mayor Bloomberg… comments?

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Everything You Need To Know About Marketing In One EZ Lesson

August 30th, 2010

Write a ten-word essay on which car you would buy:

Car A, Gub’mint Motorz:

Car B, Bayerische Motoren Werke AG:

(Car A H/T: Scratching Post)

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Mary Poppins, Call Your Office

August 30th, 2010

Mr President, Sir, with all due respect to your incandescent intelligence, the secret is to pass it through just a little edgewise. Then all will be well. And don’t let Mahmoud Ahmadinejad see this picture under any circumstances.

(H/T: sda)

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The Obama Birth Certificate

August 30th, 2010

I haven’t weighed in on the birth certificate kerfuffle because, in my opinion, even if the “birthers” were right it makes no difference. They’re two years, several trillion dollars, two Supreme Court Justices, a half-dozen nationalizations, and one major nuclear threat too late. The man is President. Or at least a simulacrum thereof. What’s the alternative? Joe Fracking Biden? Nancy “Pass The Bill To Find Out What’s In It” Pelosi? Are you serious?

The “birthers” are like a car-chasing dog; they don’t seem to think about what happens if you catch it.

No, the sole utility of this ongoing kerfuffle confers upon President Beaux Zeaux and his acolytes. Among other things, it gives him the opportunity to smear his opposition and wave the bloody shirt. For example, here’s an excerpt from an interview with NBC News’ Brian Williams yesterday afternoon:

“I can’t spend all of my time with my birth certificate plastered on my forehead,” quipped Obama, who took a deep breath to gather his thoughts when asked if the poll reflected his inability to communicate with voters.

“The facts are the facts. We went through some of this during the campaign — there is a mechanism, a network of misinformation that in a new media era can get churned out there constantly,” said a visibly annoyed Obama, referring to “birthers,” who have waged a guerrilla campaign questioning either the existence or the validity of his Hawaiian birth certificate.

Of course, the “new media era” he refers to is the renewed democratization of the public square that occurred when the internet displaced the FCC’s gerrymandered broadcast media oligopoly. “Controlling the message”, as they say in Washington, is far more difficult these days.

But let’s go back to my claim that the only beneficiary of the “birther” campaign is the President himself. He could quell the entire debate in ten seconds by simply releasing the document to the public domain. And the “public domain” is not Newsweek. No, the dying propaganda organ that recently sold for $1.00 and was the source of the “flushing Koran” story is not the “public domain” and is not to be trusted. And Beaux Zeaux knows that. It was a clever and cynical move on his part.

Assuming he is a citizen, and I am personally convinced he is, Beaux Zeaux’s obstinate refusal to release the document to the public domain invites the obvious question: who benefits? And the obvious answer: he does. The birthers are conveniently herded to the holding pen reserved for cranks and conspiracy theorists, and any other criticism they may have is instantly delegitimized.

And the same is true of his entire document trail reaching back to his undergraduate years (that would be a rich vein for Wikileaks to mine). As long as Beaux Zeaux’s personal history is “secret”, it invites his political adversaries to speculate. And the speculations are seized by the likes of Brian Williams and Katie Couric as prima facie evidence of mental imbalance.

And I have no doubt Beaux Zeaux’s document trail would confer the same factual integrity on his two “autobiographical” books that the light of day and a little serious research conferred on Rigoberta Menchú’s My Name is Rigoberta Menchú, an “autobiography” that led to one of those Nobel Peace Prizes so coveted by folks like Yasser Arafat. Menchú was, of course, exposed as a mediocre novelist and her “autobiography” as a work of the imagination.

But it’s just a matter of time for Beaux Zeaux. Ultimately, the facts will leak and the Truth will be known. Ask Günter Grass, a famous left-wing scold, Nobelist, and liar. He was exposed as nothing more than an ex-Nazi with a talent for writing and a fine sense of the gawping gullibility of the intellectual Left.

But you don’t need to be a rocket surgeon or a talented novelist to bait Brian Williams and the anchosauruses of the legacy media into the tar pit. So let’s focus on the real issues, people. Which is more important, Obama’s birth certificate and SAT scores, or the 2010 Cap ‘n Trade Energy Nationalization and Weatherstripping Omnibus Control the Sea Levels Bill and looming tax increases?

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Beck Gives Left The Vapours

August 29th, 2010

Pull out the fainting sofa. The Left has a bad case of the vapours. Here’s a few comments from the Memphis Commercial Appeal about Glenn Beck’s massively successful rally in DC yesterday:

  • countrydoctor1968: If the hate-filled ignoramus Glenn Beck is the answer, you are asking the wrong question.
  • JimMaynard: While Glenn Beck holds his neo-fascist “Restore America” rally on the anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King’s “I Have A Dream Speech” to promote militarism, capitalism and theocracy, we need to remember that MLK’s dream was a radical, DEMOCRATIC SOCIALIST vision of equality and social justice that called for ending the Vietnam War, slashing military spending and REDISTRIBUTING WEALTH to alleviate the suffering of the poor and create a more just and equal society. [caps in original]

    "Sal volatile, s'il vous plait!"

  • tigerbee: Beck has as much meaningful rhetoric as me reading the phonebook out loud. A douche leading bags.
  • woodendoor: Glenn Beck has a nighmare. That one day, his four children will live in a nation where they will be judged not by the color of their skin, but the brainwashed dogma they can recite over and over until they believe in it.
  • carjo: All you Tea-Baggers and Beck/Palin Kool Aid drinkers don’t forget to watch theit Fox new Shows,listen to their radio shows and buy their new books that will be coming out soon because that’s why these hustlers had that rally today.
  • amadams1#214971: right…nothing says “hard work” like a bunch of old white people with nothing but too much time. i had to go to work and earn a living instead of the “let them eat cake” tea-baggers.
  • OldHippieChick: Beck’s speech was boring and trite. Even the attendees on the Mall were bored. And, I think, disappointed[...] Every one is going to talk about how inspiring and patriotic that it was, how unifying and diverse. They have to. Otherwise, they would have to admit that what they really wanted was a “we hate Obama, blacks, hispanics, illegals, homosexuals” rally.

I guess the sour grapes and bile crowd miss the giant puppet heads, Che t-shirt kiosks, and styrofoam Greek columns.

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Maybe The Photoshop O’ The Year

August 27th, 2010

And a nostalgic reminder of Mystery Science Theater…

(H/T: Sadhill News)

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Chris Christie Calls Out The Mindless Drones

August 27th, 2010

Tell me again why this guy isn’t President…

Watch it all. It’s priceless.

(H/T: contentions)

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Suppose We Skip The Middleman, Senator

August 26th, 2010

Max Baucus may be talking himself out of a job. Acknowledging that he didn’t read the Senate version of the health care bill that he allegedly sponsored, the Senator explained:

“I don’t think you want me to waste my time to read every page of the healthcare bill,” Baucus said, according to the Flathead Beacon. “You know why? It’s statutory language. … We hire experts.”

Well, Senator, we wouldn’t want you to “waste your time” reading legislation that will affect the very fabric of life in America! But what did the citizens of Montana hire you to do, Senator? Attend cocktail parties on their behalf? Bloviate in the well of the Senate?

And if you need to hire “experts”, I suppose that means you aren’t an expert on statutory language. The citizens of Montana might be better served by hiring an expert in the next election and skipping the middleman. And that middleman? That would be you, Senator.

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It Depends On What The Meaning Of “Nuclear Annihilation” Is…

August 26th, 2010

The Clueless Award of the decade may go to Bruce Riedel, a former CIA officer who is reputed to be “close” to President Beaux Zeaux.

Bruce has a deal the Israelis can’t refuse. In exchange for a promise by Israel not to attack Iran, Mr Riedel proposes the following four tenets to help Israelis feel more secure:

  1. A US-guaranteed “nuclear umbrella” promising an American nuclear response to an Iranian nuclear attack on Israel
  2. American nuclear submarines supplied to the Israeli Navy
  3. American Raptor F-22s
  4. Israeli membership in NATO

That’s all very nice, and I would support every single item. However, the Israelis would be crazy to agree to such a ludicrous scheme as a quid pro quo for standing by and simply allowing Iran to go nuclear.

Why?

If Tehran does launch a nuclear attack on Israel, Israel will simply cease to exist. It is a tiny country. Revenge might be sweet for American Jews, but Israeli Jews will be vaporized, burned to death, crushed under falling buildings, or die of radiation sickness.

If Iran does nuke Israel, no conscious, sane person on the planet actually believes that Barack Obama will follow through with a nuclear retaliatory attack. And any vestigial Israeli submarine crews will be put in the unenviable position of Captain Dwight Towers in the Neville Shute novel, On the Beach. Captain Towers and the crew of the last American nuclear submarine were also the last American survivors of the war, and they ultimately committed suicide by scuttling their boat off the Australian coast.

Ironically, the novel fictionalizes a nuclear attack on the US and UK by Egypt. At the time of the novel, Egypt was ruled by another Islamic lunatic pan-Arabist, Gamal Abdel Nasser. Nasser was the state power behind the establishment of what ultimately became Yasser Arafat’s gang of terrorist thugs, the Palestine Liberation Organization.

So, in my view, if the Israelis sign up for this quid pro quo, it’s nothing short of a suicide pact. They might as well scuttle the country now while the population still has a chance to escape.

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Special Units For The Jews?

August 26th, 2010

Here’s an interesting little tidbit for your Thursday AM ponderifications:

The plaintiff in this case, Z STREET, is a nonprofit organization devoted to educating the public about the facts relating to the Middle East, and that relate to the existence of Israel as a Jewish State, and Israel’s right to refuse to negotiate with, make concessions to, or appease terrorists. The case is brought because, through its corporate counsel, Z STREET was informed explicitly by an IRS Agent on July 19, 2010, that approval of Z STREET’s application for tax-exempt status has been at least delayed, and may be denied because of a special IRS policy in place regarding organizations in any way connected with Israel, and further that the applications of many such Israel-related organizations have been assigned to “a special unit in the [IRS] D.C. office to determine whether the organization’s activities contradict the Administration’s public policies.”

Fascinating, eh?

Since when did political disagreement merit the formation of “special units” within the IRS to monitor the financial activities of nonprofits?

And, assuming the organizations being scrutinized by the “special unit” do contradict the Administration’s public policy, then what?

When politicians mobilize the Internal Revenue Service to enforce compliance with the political goals of the Executive Branch, alarms should be sounding throughout the nation. To rephrase Martin Niemöller, “First, they came for the organizations connected with Israel…”

You can find out more about Z Street, the shadowy Zionist organization devoted to global domination by demanding the right of Jews to inhale oxygen “in areas the world insists are reserved for Arab Palestinians”, here.

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Marco Nails It

August 25th, 2010

Aug 9 – 15, 2010, Rasmussen Reports:

Twenty-eight percent (28%) of Likely Voters say the country is heading in the right direction, according to a new Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey taken the week ending Sunday, August 15.

This young man, Marco Rubio, has tapped into a deep vein of discontent, accurately characterizing this mid-term election as a “referendum” on the direction America is headed. I need to contact my local ACORN office. There must be some way I can vote in the Florida election.

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A Nice Gift Idea From New Scientist: The Tao of Pee

August 24th, 2010

New Scientist, my favorite science snoozmagazine, has a wonderful gift idea for that hard-to-please eek!oloon on your gift list: a bottle of piss. Or, better yet, piss in their gas tank.

No, I swear! It’s right there in black and recycled off-white:

It is a bright spring morning here at Heriot-Watt University in Edinburgh, UK, where I have come to meet my interviewee for this article, Shanwen Tao. Normally when I interview someone, I give them a business card and maybe the latest issue of New Scientist. Today, I give Tao a bottle of my own pee.

I’d rather have a warm bottle of piss than the latest issue of New Scientist myself, but I tend to be a practical nutz-’n-boltz type. You gotta admit, though… that is , like, avant-garde gifting.

Urine, [Tao] believes, could help solve the world’s energy problems, powering farms and even office buildings.

Beer sales would skyrocket. Office buildings could have beer machines, and, in the summertime, they could give out free beer to cut air-conditioning costs. I thought about going out for a six-pack so I would have a nice gift for the Mrs when she comes home from work, but her tastes tend toward the skins of dead animals, shiny stones, and the sexual organs of plants1. I just don’t think a bottle of piss would strike the right note.

Tao even touts the portability of piss power:

Tao hopes that even small urine fuel cells will one day become useful, if the right electrode materials can be found to boost their power output. They could be used to power radios or phones in remote locations, for example. “You could carry a small fuel cell for low-power mobile communications without having to carry the fuel,” he says.

Well, that’s a slight miscakalation, because you are, in fact, carrying the fuel. It’s just concealed carry. But pissing in your cell phone? What a great idea! As long as you have a beer handy, your phone will never run out of juice.

And it puts a whole new spin on long drives with little kids in the back seat, doesn’t it?

The pissibilities are endless.

______________________

1Stolen from Kurt Vonnegut.

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